(Blog: Sayumi) This Useless Self That I Hate

This Useless Self That I Hate

2010/3/13 22:34

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Yesterday on this blog I proclaimed,

“I got overwhelmed at the rehearsal, but I will recover, I will persist,”

and all; I also got powered up from seeing my best friend and yet,

to tell the truth, I once again turned out to be hopeless at today’s rehearsal

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Recently, I’ve become someone who I myself hate…

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I always just barely make it, just as time reaches its absolute limit and there’s basically no time left…

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Recently I’ve become conscious of it and make an effort not to say it but until a while ago, “I wanna go home,” was something that I would say a lot.

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Becoming more than just a phrase,

I would end up saying, “I wanna go home,” despite already being at home.

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“Where else is there to go home to when you ARE at home!” Is the argument for that, huh? (^-^;

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That phrase, “I wanna go home,” that I’ve recently been trying not to say.. I ended up saying it excessively today (;_;)..

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Just cos I say “I wanna go home” doesn’t mean I can go straight away, and the scheduled time that we’re allowed to go home at will be the same whether I say it or not, and then even if I wanna I’m not gonna run away and all…

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So, in the end, I’m being rash.

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Obviously, not only to Sayumi, but to anybody and everybody else as well, sad thing and bad things happen.

We have our worries and we have things that we want people to hear us out for.

But the fact is, even within all that, everyone continues to live their lives.

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I’ll keep on persisting!

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If we run away then it all ends there, but if we keep persisting then something will come of it!

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That’s why everyone keeps on persisting in living their lives, huh!

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I thought that if that’s the case, life must be more fun when you choose not to say negative things rather then say them o(^-^)o

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I only realised such an easy thing as that just a short while ago lol

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I had already realised it and yet today I was full of negative things to say.

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I’m reflecting on it even though it’s already far too late for it (;_;)

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Today, I kept saying negative things without even thinking about it but,

I will make sure to keep aware of it and take care not to say negative things,

and the day that I do that will be the day that I change.

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I’m really not sure of there being a concrete, right way to do this but I’m certain that I will find it ↑

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But really, its only about ditching the negative words and feelings, isn’t it ↓

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I get it, but I can’t do it…

That’s why this years goal is:

“To keep cool, calm and collected and think things out properly.”

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I don’t know if I can come to do only that someday or,

..no, before that,

I don’t know if one day I can come to do that at all, but…

please watch over me,

…no, please watch and protect me (>_<)

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